I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
