So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
