I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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