Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
