all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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