no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
