Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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