watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
