Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
