I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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