pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
