This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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