You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i believe in u and ur pee
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
