Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
