when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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