everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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