you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
