just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
