I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were trust falling into bushes
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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