I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
