Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
