party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
