I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
