my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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