I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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