what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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