Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize