I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
