Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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