Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
