Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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