I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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