I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
