did you get engaged???
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
