I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
