You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
