tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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