I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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