When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
