for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
