I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
PANTIES FOUND
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
