i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So vagazzling was a success
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
