READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
