He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
