Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
