this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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