We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
