I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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