did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize