Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
