Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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