The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
