BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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