Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
