**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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