I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
