Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
