I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize