I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
