Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
