You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
