actually, I'm a sock model
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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