Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she pinky promised me she was 18
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
