he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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