Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
