shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
