We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize