You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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