It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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