shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
