No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
