I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize