She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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