non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
