You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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