My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
