just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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