How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
