that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
