To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he was CRYING into my vagina
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
