remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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