I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
