I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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