maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
