i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
