I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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