Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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