Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
