3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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