It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
