True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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