apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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