did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I looked at my own cervix.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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