my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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