That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
